86 Days Until Dragon Con

Many years ago at my Weight Watchers meeting there was a discussion about Anchors.  In this realm an anchor is something that keeps you grounded, reminds you why you are doing this and to help give encouragement when things are not going well.  One of my anchors is a plain piece of ribbon.  I cut it off of a spool and wrapped it around the largest part of me, my hips.  I tied a bow and went on.  I did this several years ago.  I still have that ribbon and when I am low, I get that ribbon out and wrap it around my hips and look at all the progress I have made.  There are inches of extra ribbon where it was tight before.  This is something I have to do at home.

The Whole Key Chain

Weight Loss Charms

Attendance Charms

Another anchor I have is a key chain that Weight Watchers gave me when I signed up.  I have this one hanging off of my pen cup at work.  Weight Watchers gives you additional charms for key accomplishments.  Many of the accomplishments are attendance based.  I continue to go no matter how I am doing on the scale.  There are a few charms they give you that are scale based.  Those are of course are the ones I am most proud of.  There are also activity charms.  These are something you get when you do some new difficult activity.  I have two of them and am very proud of those also.  I hope to get more of these charms the lighter I become.  When I want to grab the M&M's jar at work I look at my key chain and remember why I am NOT going to hit up that jar.  Some days are a bigger struggle than others.  Still, having these two reminders helps me keep focused and ready for the next challenge.  

87 Days Until Dragon Con

I thought I should take some time to discuss goals.  What are my goals (beyond the obvious)?  I want to be able to feel comfortable cosplaying at DragonCon.  I believe anyone of any size can cosplay.  That is a personal desire and choice.  I am just a coward.  I can not bring myself to cosplay a character that I do not have some physical resemblance to.  How many fluffy ladies are there in fandom?  Not all that many.  So what do I do?  NOTHING.  I go in regular street clothes.  Next year I would love to do something.  I would love to feel comfortable making an ABC (Anything But Clothes) costume.  I just fear my jiggly bits being seen.  LOL There are plenty of people my size doing all sorts of cosplays.  For those who do, I am so excited. I am always happy to see you and am also so envious. You are so BRAVE!!! You are not afraid to show your fandom no matter what your body type.  GOOD FOR YOU!!! YOU ROCK!!!!  For me, I am terrified.  What if someone laughs?  What if someone makes snide comments?  I would be devastated.  I know there are not many con-goers that would say anything negative.  However, there are other people that share the hotels with us that are not con-goers.  From my experiences many of those folks have been alot of Dude-Bro assholes.  I do not want to incite some negativity in my direction so I cower from it.

At the end of all of this I do not expect to be rail thin.  I do want to be able to hide some of my jiggly bits in Spanx and go on.  In terms of numbers I can give you a zillion different numbers I want to see.  Some immediate some for con,. like the 25 lbs. and some for long term.  What I have learned on this journey so far is that success is not all about the numbers.  Sometimes it is alllll about the non scale victories or NSV's.  Those are more tangible.  For example, I have a pair of shorts that I can fit into but are not terribly comfy.  They certainly would not be manageable walking around the con.  I have a non scale goal of comfortably fitting into those shorts for con.  I think that is a reasonable goal, not too long in the future and not too hard to accomplish.  Wish me luck.

88 Days Until Dragon Con

Wow the more I look back, the more I remember my stint into the depths of hell...puberty.  When I hit puberty not only did my weight balloon, my self esteem fell.  Acne set in and so did the bad hair.  UGGG  Remember spiral perms?  I so did not have the bone structure for that.  My teenage years were a nightmare.  I was a giant mess of hormones and depression.  The more depressed and unhappy I was, the less I went out to were I could be seen by others and therefore be made fun of.  The less I went outside, the less activity I got.  The less activity I got the heavier I became.  The heavier I became the more depressed and unhappy I became.  See the cycle?  It is not new.   I am sure many others have been in this cycle and still are.  Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to help numb the unhappiness.  I turned to food.  I love food.  Is that why I eat?  I do not think so.  I love to keep my mouth and hands busy.  If it is not gum or suckers, it is sunflower seeds.  I can do small individual candies too- M&M's Skittles, and the like.  Anything that causes my hands to interact with my mouth is like a baseball player with a baseball in hand.  Kind of like things just fit perfectly.  It feels good.

These pictures are one school year apart...8th and 9th grades.  Which one was I older and which was I younger?  I will give you a clue, puberty was about to set in for one of them.  The other was the following year.  YIKES!!! I look like a crazy old lady with road rage issues.  I remembered looking like poo but wowie!

89 Days Until Dragon Con

Julie and I as kids.

I have ALWAYS struggled.  I have often thought about what is my 'problem'.  Is it food?  Is it laziness?  I do not think it is just one thing or another, I think it is many things.  When I was young, my best friend was a twig.  She ate more than I did and was so slender.  I was always at her side and so naturally I was chubby compared to her.  Apart, I was not chubby at all.  I often got teased for my weight and many other things.  I think in a way I was programmed to focus on my weight.  This did not happen overnight.  The focus started early and it took decades to become a daily thought.  How long have you focused on your weight?  It does not matter if you are thin or overweight, How long have you thought about it?  Every day, I think about my weight every day of my life.  Crazy and a little deep, right?  I agree.  Who knows.  Maybe this blog will help my thinking change. LOLOLOL NOT.

ahhh puberty.

90 Days of Dragon Con

Con season is HERE!!!!  Yay.  Last year I did 50 days of Dragon Con where I had all sorts of stories about things I have seen or done at DragonCon over the years.  This year I have decided to discuss fitness.  Or, in my case the lack there of.  RAH.   I am overweight.  This is not something I normally acknowledge let alone share with anyone.  It is not like you cannot tell by looking at me that I am fluffy.  To the world at large, I am fat.  It does not matter what my weight is, it matters what I look like.  I do not look like your typical model or movie star.   In the eyes of the American Society, that is what makes me fat.  In my mind I am fine.  It is my imagination, I know but it is my safety net when the world gets me down.  I have a fantastic fantasy life and in that life my body is always perfect.  Reality is unfortunately nothing like that.  I have been chubby to downright fat for my entire life.  I have ALWAYS struggled.

I have decided to do something MAJOR about it.  I am putting my struggles on BLAST.  Every week   Once a week I will weigh in and let you know how I did and any struggles I have had.  Hopefully this will help keep me accountable.  In the end I hope to lose 25 lbs by Con.  That is 13 weeks away.  I will need to loose 1.92 pounds per week to meet my goal.  Here is to hoping!

Date: 6-3

Time:5:05 pm

Water:26oz

Activities: none

Steps: 3,151

Amount to lose until goal 25 lbs 

Not a flattering picture...it is ok...I need to do this.

Game of Thrones Mid Season 6 Recap

Mid Season Recap
Wow what a season so far and we are only halfway through.  HOLY COW.

The North:
Sansa has grown up and is FINALLY taking charge of her own life and not depending on someone else.  It looks like Theon might grow his balls back as well.  Theon helps Sansa escape Winterfell as we saw at the end of last season.  He helps her run through the woods and then when Ramsays men catch up to them he tries to save her.  It is at this time that Brienne shows up with Pod and saves the day.  Once again Brienne tries to persuade Sansa to accept her loyalty.  It is only after Theon gives a nod of approval that Sansa accepts.  In a a kind of interesting twist of fate, Brienne swears her oath of loyalty using OathKeeper which was originally Ice, Ned Starks sword.  Kind of like Ned is there too.  Awwwww

Once Sansa has accepted Brienne,  Theon decides it is time for him to go home to Pyke, home of the Greyjoys.  We see his uncle Euron push King Baylon over a bridge and then be voted in as king of the Iron Islands.  There is a not-so pretty reunion with Theon and his sister Yara.  They flee the Iron Islands once their uncle Euron is crowned and it is a good thing too.  Once he is crowned , Euron is off to kill his niece and nephew.  Alas, Yara and Theon took some ships and have already left. YAYAYYY

Roose Bolton is pissed off at Ramsay for letting Sansa escape and for torturing her.  When it is announced that his wife, Walda Frey has a baby boy, Ramsay kills his own father.  He promptly feeds his step-mom and half brother to the dogs.  Lovely guy, don't ya think?  We find out that the Karstarks have now pledged their loyalty to Ramsay.  In a weird twist we find out that house Umber does also.  To prove it, the Umbers bring Rickon Stark to Ramsay and the head of Rickon's direwolf, Shaggy Dog.  This is the first major shocker to me.  To be honest, I cried.  I still think there is hope that this might be some plot to betray Ramsay and overthrow him. But, I am not so sure.  I still have hope though.  Osha a.k.a. Tonks from Harry Potter tries to seduce Ramsay and he ultimately kills her.  Some believe that with her death this is for sure the end of any thought that this might be some plot to save the north....still I hold out s twinkle of hope.

Jon Snow died and was resurrected. There have been many surprises this season and some expected surprises.  Jon Snow...if you really thought he was dead long term you are a smidge of an idiot.  Once alive again, he is a bit melancholy and does not want to fight anymore.  One if his lasts acts as the Lord Commander is to hang the traitors.  One of them tells him to let his family know he died fighting the wildlings.  His family is in White Harbor, house of the Mandarlays.  This is a pretty important family in the books and I wonder if it will come into play later in the season.  His last act as lord commander was to take off his cloak, give it to Dolores Ed and say "My watch has ended".    As Jon is packing to leave we see Sansa, Brienne and Pod coming to the wall.  Wonderful Reunion.  YAYAYAY This is the first time since season one that separated Starks are reunited.

Now Davos, I have to say he is the poo.  WOW!  Not only did he persuade Melisandre to try something she had never done in the midst of her personal crisis of faith and try to resurrect Jon, he then stopped the Night's Watch from coming and taking Jon's body away.  He is providing good counsel and is all around kicking bootay.

King's Landing

Cersei and Jaime are being their usual selves.  However,  there is Kevan Lannister and Lady Olenna Tyrell in the mix reminding Cersei that she is not in power any longer since her walk of atonement.  I think there is going to be a temporary truce between Lady Olenna and Kevan Lannister on one side and the other being Jaime and Cersei.  They both have a common enemy.  AAAANNNDDD the enemy of my enemy is my friend, Right?  I think they will work together long enough to free Margaery and Loris and bring down the Faith Militant.

There was an interesting exchange between Loris and Margaery in the cells below the sept.  Loris is just a mess and willing to do almost anything.  He wants to die... What a wimp.  Margaery is strong and talks to him to help him out of his funk.  Kind of interesting and I will get into that more in a bit.

Tommen is a total pushover and floats in the wind.  Tommen had a discussion with the High Sparrow and totally bought into what the High Sparrow was selling.  Tommen then goes to Cersei and tells her of the discussion and what she says is now right.  Whomever he talks to currently is all knowing until he talks to someone else and then that person becomes the omniscient one.  UGG!

The East
Dani, Jorah, Daario, Missandei, Grey Worm, Varys and Tyrion are all still in the east.  Dani is with the Dothraki with Jorah and Daario in hot pursuit.  There is a great bit here with the leaders of the Dothraki.  She shows Daario what it means to be the Unburnt.  YAY!

Tyrion and the others are trying to manage Meereen without Dani being there.  Tyrion frees the remaining dragons.  Why you might ask?  Well it is because of a few things: 1) Dragons do not do well in captivity. 2) Because Tyrion drinks and he knows things.  LOLOL  I think Tyrion is doing well managing the mess that Dani left in her wake.  Tyrion is not liked by the free people of Meereen, the Wise Masters, or by his allies.  What he is doing is what needs to be done though.  He is making a bartered peace.  When Dani comes back she needs to see what all Tyrion has been able to accomplish while she has been gone.  Not just take everything rashly and do what she wants...it is time for her to learn to be a bit diplomatic and to learn what it means to be a Queen and not a dictator.

Two More Starks
Arya is still fighting with the waif although she does now have her sight back.  She has been given another chance and another mission.  I believe this is some sort of a trap on the part of Jaquen but I am not sure to what end.  You do see that Arya is still in there and they have not completely beaten it out of her yet.  Thank goodness.

Bran, woah Bran. Since he took a break last season he has come back in full force.  Of all of the characters we see this season by far Bran is the most impactful.  We see him in the tree with the Three-Eyed-Raven and we begin with a long awaited flashback to a time with a young Ned Stark, Howland Reed-Meera's father and the Sword of the Morning, Ser Arthur Dayne.  They are somewhere in the south and Dayne and another man in Targaryen armor are there waiting for a battle.  Roberts Rebellion is now over and there is discussion why these two men are here and were not fighting in the war.  They reveal it is because they were told to be there by Prince Rhegar.  There is a battle and to be honest this is the best battle of the show so far.  It is six men fighting two and then it is five on one and Dayne is the biggest badass we have seen so far.  Dayne is wielding two swords, the infamous Dawn, and another unkonwn sword.  He kicks the absolute butt of these 5 men.  Due to a stab in the back by Howland Reed, Ned is able to be victorious.  Honestly this is BY FAR the best fighting sequence we have seen to date.  For book readers, this is known as the Tower of Joy.  We do not get into the tower but we do see Bran call out to his father and Ned turned as if he heard.  This DID NOT please the Three-Eyed-Raven and he takes them out of the flashback.  For those who have read the books here is a link to a theory that very much explains what we hoped to see up in that tower.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHqzFwodZqQ

We have a few more random flashbacks to Winterfell and we are introduced to Bran's Aunt Lyanna.  About time.  She is a youngish girl on a horse and totally reminds us of Arya.  In the most recent set of flash backs Bran messes up big time.  He tries to enter a flashback without his guide in the Three-Eyed-Raven.  The most important flashbacks are the three most current.  The first is of the Children of the Forrest.  We watch as they create the Knights King by pushing a Dragon Glass dagger through a mans heart.  HOLY SHIT?!??!?!?  Why did they do this?  The answer is quite simple really.  They needed someone to help them fight off the first men who were decimating the Children.  Alas, this plan backfires and we have the issues with the Wights in the current day.  The next to last vision of Episode five "the Door" Bran sees the White Walkers and the Knights King.  The Knights King touches Brans arm  leaving a mark.  Apparently this is the key to the cave where everyone is at. HOLY CRAP THEY ARE COMING they have to get out of the cave.  The Three-Eyed-Raven pulls Bran back into a vision to try and upload all of the important info he can before the Wights get into the cave.  He Takes us back to Winterfell.  Simultaneously in the cave Meera is trying to wake Bran.  The Children are fighting of the Wights and all hell is breaking loose.  Hodor is Hodor-ing and Meera can not get him to help.  She is screaming at Bran to warg into Hodor. In the flashback Bran hears this and sees young Hodor across the yard and wargs into Hodor.  Hodor and Meera take Brans tranced out body and run.  Summer tries to defend them and is killed.  =(  They get to the back door and Hodor breaks it open.  Meera toting Bran tells Hodor to hold the door.  She keeps saying it and now in the flashback Hodor starts screaming "HOLD THE DOOR" over and over and it finally whittles down to hold door and then the end of HO-DOR.  Hodor is taken and we believe killed by the Wights.  I bawled like a little baby.  Summer AND Hodor!?!?! WOW!

There..... we are up to date.

I have to say to all of the people who think that this show is not for women and is all about women bashing,  Look AT WHAT HAS HAPPENED THIS SEASON!!!  Dani kicks the ass of the great Khals and comes out once again unburnt and all of the Dothraki are now hers.  Margaery shows Loris what it means to be strong and she is NOT falling for the good cop routine that the High Sparrow is feeding her.  Cersei and Olenna are the VERY dominant forces dealing with what to do with these bat shit crazy Faith Militant that Cersei armed.  Theon back to himself proves that his sister Yara should be queen of the Iron Islands and he will follow her not the other way around.  Sansa puts Littlefinger in his place.  She also awakens Jon Snow from his melancholy and gets him to ride south to find an army to defeat Ramsay.  Brienne finds a man who is interested in her.  WOOT!!! GIANTS-BRIENNE!!! WTG Tormund who seems to think she is the bees-knees.  It is about time for someone to take an interest in this absolutely amazing woman!  So far this is a season of women kicking serious ass.  I hope they keep it up!

There are zillions of theories out there on what has happened so far and what is to come.  I agree with many and have come up with many on my own.  Turns out I am not the only one who has come up with the same ideas though. There are many theories about Bran.  One I thought of  (and so has everyone else) is that the Bran we know is also Bran The Builder who built the wall centuries ago.  He travels back in time and actually builds the wall.  This also could mean he is all of the Brans throughout history.  I am a bit worried about all of this time travel paradox stuff and hope that it does not get too wibbley wobbley timey wimey.  This season so far has been absolutely amazing.  We are wrapping up stories and getting things done.  The last season was much more of a set up of what is to come.  YAY Season SIX!

There is so much more to come.  I am so excited.  I have all sorts of hopes for what happens but not really predictions.  I will predict Jaime does not tell Cersei to eff off  no matter how much I want him to. I predict there will be some variation of the Bastard Bowl (not really hard to predict that one) and that the North will rise to bring down Ramsay.  I predict there is WAY more to the story of Bran and even Jon Snow that we have been lead to believe.   I believe there will be some sort of battle in King's Landing with the Faith Militant.  I believe that the High Sparrow will be de-throned or killed this season.  King's Landing has to get off of their asses and see what is marching towards them from the North.  In order to do that, I think Tommen and Margaery will have to stand up to Cersei.  There is soooo much more.  I hope there is a Clegane bowl (http://bit.ly/1TOIn1N) I do not necessarily think it will happen.  Who knows, though.  This is the season for fan lip service so it might happen after all.
I hope you are enjoying this season as much as I am.

Happy Watching!

Something Personal

There is something I have been fighting off for awhile.  A smidge of depression.  Am I clinically depressed?  No.  I do have one subject that depresses the hell out of me, though.  I thought I was over this. Like 3 years ago over it.  In fact, I started this blog to help me get over that funk, and it worked.  Then out of the blue, WHAMMO!  I thought I was so over this.  I received some great news for a friend of mine and it triggered this shit storm.  Apparently I am not over it yet.  Will I ever be free of this mental nightmare?  Without getting into too much detail,  I just needed to vent and perhaps purge some of this yuck that is permeating my head.

I just remembered that tonight is Game of Thrones.  That will help clear the slimy sadness out of my head.

Thanks for reading.